Why Mars and Venus Collide – John Gray
A few years ago I read a rather battered version of John Gray’s “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”.
It landed in my lap at a time that couldn’t have been more significant. My husband and I had had a lengthy and somewhat heated argument over maps and the directions on how to get to the lovely Ligurian Coast in Italy, from Milan. The actual argument lasted three days and the ongoing repercussions? Well divorce!
The significant learning point is that we (men and women) do speak very different languages. What I say, and my ex-husband hears, can be often miles apart. A bit like where we ended up and where we should have been!
I thought, I was asking him to stop and look at the map with me, to determine where we were, and to work out how to programme the Satellite Navigation System (the technophobe that I am).
What he heard was … he had taken the wrong route and added an hour to our journey; that I didn’t trust him to take the right route later on. He heard that I was unhappy with him and, therefore, no longer loved him.
His subsequent response was that we were going in the right direction now and that there was no need to stop and check the map. Of course what I heard was; what are you so upset for? You are being irrational. I know I am right and you are wrong, so stop causing these arguments, as I no longer love you.
I have, since, put some things that I learnt from this book into practice, with some reasonable results. However, there is no way I would ever be able to get my husband to read it, let alone adopt any of the communication tips that might motivate or encourage me, a woman.
Thankfully, it would appear that if only one person makes a change to the words that they use, there is still a knock on effect. If one person feels acknowledged and appreciated it makes them more likely to acknowledge and appreciate the other.
I subsequently, went on to read Why Mars and Venus Collide, much the better of the two books, in my opinion, offering a rational and business way of looking at the miscommunication between men and women. Let’s face it women and men have the same troubles getting messages in the workplace too. Yet harnessing some compassionate energy, stepping into the other person’s puddle would make such a difference; not only how we are heard but what we hear back.
My questions are:
• Are there any men that have read either book? If you did; what positive (or negative) affirmations have you had?
• How many women have read this book without passing it on to their boss/colleague/partner, like me and if so, why is that?
• Do same sex partners experience the same issues?