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Just Listen by Mark Goulston

Shhh!  Can you hear that?  No?  Listen again.  There!  That was a power pause between the arguments in your head right now and all the other noise that is surrounding you.

Did you hold your breath?  I don’t know about you but I did?  Let’s exhale?

I bet you are wondering what on earth I am writing about? and if indeed, I am off my rocker?  Am I right?  Ok? Will you just pause to just listen for a moment?

jpegDo people like your boss or colleagues or OAP parents talk over the top of you – when you are screaming to be heard?

Do your children or your indeed your staff raise the proverbial hand when you are trying to engage the face?

Does your husband or partner not remember all those important dates you have put in the diary or to put the rubbish out when you have (pleasantly) asked him to do so?  Well … we all know that men speak Martian and Women don’t so the last one is explainable … isn’t it?

But, here’s a thing … how many times have I asked you a question that you answered with a yes?  By my count that’s around about nine.  According to Dale Carnegie in hisbook How to Win Friends and Influence People – three yesses will do!

So getting back to the point.  This book Just Listen is all about getting people to listen to you.  I have 3 great tips to share with you that I got from Mark Goulston in his book

  1. Get your own brain in the right state first and take yourself though the OH F#@& to OK I’m ready to fix this speed drill. When you know how you can do this quite quickly.
  2. Open yourself to listen – this means clarify what you think you are hearing and making sure your perception is not a misperception.
  3. Make the other person feel ‘felt’.  Attach an emotion to how you think another might be feeling.  Then say I’m trying to get a sense of how you are feeling, I think it might be this…. if it is not then , then what are you feeling?  Give the person the time to vent. Then ask,  … And the reason you are so frustrated, angry, upset, is because … Let the other person vent some more.  Ask what needs to happen for that feeling to feel better.  Finally, ask what part you can play in making that happen. Help people to exhale emotionally and mentally.

There are 30 valuable insights and follow up action steps.  A brilliant book to get you listening. 

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PS “Somewhere in all that talk is all the answers” We just need to stop … and listen for them.  What a brilliant line! in New York Morning – Elbow

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